Lent
In the gospels of Mark, Luke and Matthew - the evangelists record some version of Jesus being lead into a forty day solitary retreat in the wilderness:
"Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. He fasted forty days and forty nights and afterwards he was famished. The tempter came to him..." (Matt 4:1-3)
"And the Spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness. He was in the wilderness forty days, tempted by Satan; and he was with the wild beasts; and the angels waited on him." (Mark 1:12-13)
"Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit returned from the Jordan and was lead by the Spirit in the wilderness, where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing at all during those days, and when they were over, he was famished." (Luke 4:1-2)This episode in the life and ministry of Jesus became the basis for the Christian season of lent. The concepts of trial and testing gradually evolved into a season of preparation for the coming of the wonder of Easter. As it was put to me during an Ash Wednesday service a couple weeks ago,
"BRETHREN, in the primitive Church it was the custom to observe with great devotion the days of our Lord's Passion and Resurrection, and to prepare for the same by a season of penitence and fasting. This season of Lent provided also a time in which converts to the faith were prepared for holy Baptism. It was also a time when such persons as had, by reason of notorious sins, been separated from the body of the faithful, were reconciled and restored to the fellowship of the Church by penitence and forgiveness. Thereby the whole Congregation was put in mind of the message of pardon and absolution contained in the Gospel of our Saviour, and of the need which all Christians continually have, of a renewal of their repentance and faith. I therefore invite you, in the name of the Church, to the observance of a holy Lent, by self-examination and repentance, by prayer, fasting, and self-denial, and by reading and meditation upon God's holy Word."Going into the service I would have foolishly said I was in the category of the decent Christian preparing for Easter. I wasn't a new convert preparing for baptism, nor would I have said I was separated from the "body of the faithful" by "reason of notorious sins." But as I heard this exhortation spoken, I realised that I was in fact a notorious sinner who desperately needed to be reconciled both to the church and to Jesus. Traditionally, Ash Wednesday begins the season of Lent with a call to consider our mortality. In a few short moments during that service, I realised the distance that had grown up between me and God and the many ways that the practice of my faith no longer had Christ as its object. I had joined the ranks of the nominally religious heretics and hadn't even noticed.
That was my starting off point for this season of lent and I've been struggling ever since as God continues to confront me with how wretched and broken a creature I truly am. How horribly petty and insensitive I am; how little compassion I have for the people I profess to love and how I have no power in me to change a whit of this horrible portrait. I'm learning that much of what people like and respect in me is illusion and that my heart continues to be a dark place defined by insecurity, fear, resentment, bitterness and self-loathing. It's been like becoming a Christian all over again.
The only way I can bear any of this is that lent leads to easter. Ash Wednesday leads to the Resurrection and somehow the filth and manure in my heart is miraculously fertile soil for the seeds of the Kingdom if I would just have the courage to let it come out into the light. At one point this week I was crying myself to sleep considering the havoc I'd wreaked on others by trying to save myself. I knew in that moment how much I resented God and in admitting that to myself I realised how confident God really was in the face of my wretchedness.
It used to astound me how few protestant evangelical Christians have any understanding of what lent is about. I'm realising in my own lenten journey this year, how very little I myself knew about the value of the season. I've been praying the following prayer twice a day since lent started and on nights like tonight, it's the only thing I have to hold onto:
"Almighty and Everlasting God, who hates nothing that thou have made, and does forgive the sins of all those that are penitent: Create and make in us new and contrite hearts, that we worthily lamenting our sins, and acknowledging our wretchedness, may obtain of thee, the God of all mercy, perfect remission and forgiveness; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen"I look forward to proclaiming the holy, saving "son of man" in the glory of his resurrection and don't know what the remainder of lent will bring.
